Did indeed sound like the starter relay - but the bike had run a 6 hour run back home last Wednesday so good opportunity to really put a decent charge in the battery
Then yesterday, a solid 60 mins run from [from starting perfectly] - couple of breaks - all electrics OK - fine and dandy
Stopped to re-route the Garmin as my riding pal was in desperate need of fuel - stopped the engine - pal cleared off in search of 4* topup ...........
Ignition on - all lights ok - relay under seat clicking away like a 1990's IRA incendiary device!
Turn off - try again - same happens
Repeat several times to curses of "**** it - Japanese bag of sh*t" etc etc etc LOL
Retrieve iPhone out of bag - typical - dead - no battery - bollox
Repeat as above - still no joy
Logical thinking - lets check all the fuses - all OK
Repeat as above - still no joy
Now bear in mind that I'm now stuck and alone on a Bank Holiday afternoon in "rural" mid Wales with no bike [that starts] and no mobile phone and no access to Google Maps - Sheep Locator app - and about 2 hours from home - bollox!
Suddenly [and I kid you not] 2 pre-pubescent in-bred "youths" appeared from a house opposite - and like a scene out of the Deliverance, wandered casually over - eyeing up the new bike with every stride
FFS - nice to see the £billions the UK Government have spend on education have earned their rewards in rural Wales
"Lush bike - how much did this cost?"
Not the best response when faced with the distinct possibility of having to desert my dearly beloved [expensive] new steed in the hands of the inbreds on their garden forecourt awaiting following-morning recovery truck. I could almost hear the keys being typed as parts were being listed on FleaBay
After 30 minutes of "repeat as above", I come to the technical conclusion that it's f*cked and ask the inbreds if I can use their landline to summon help
That's not a problem and bring a cordless phone out to me in readiness to phone wife for a rescue attempt - guess who's NOT got AA/RAC cover?
"Where are we" I ask the inbreds?
"Pontrhydfendigaid - it's near Swyddffynnon"
"Best write that down then boyyo please"
Phone wife - not happy - never is - comes up with that classic comment "What the hell are you doing there?" LOL
Spell Pontrhydfendigaid out to her [she's not welsh either]
Wait 50 minutes whilst she types it into Google maps on her phone
Drop EE signal- so recall
Repeat as above x 3
"Kin Hell - that's 2 hours away you daft twat - why do you have to go off so far away on these daft jaunts of yours just as I'm about to serve dinner - been slaving over a hot stove all afternoon - blah blah blah - have you no consideration for other people on a blah blah blah"
"Yes dear - No dear - sorry dear"
"Stay out of the pub and I'll be there in 2 hours"
Fortunately for me I do have the personal mobile number of Chris the bloke who does all my bike servicing and fettling for me" - except his number is stored on my iPhone which, as stated above, is as dead as a Dinosaur turd
Inbreds see I have a dead iPhone .........
"Want to charge that up?"
So reluctantly I enter the Rural House of Doom - mostly in darkness as all curtains are drawn - trip over the electric invalid scooter [at least that has power!] only to unleash the wrath of two of the biggest Doberman dogs I've ever seen in my life - as if my nerves weren't frayed enough
After a couple of minutes of charge, there was sufficient power in the phone to ring said mechanic mate
"That doesn't sound right" has to be the most stupid over-the-phone comment I have ever heard in my entire life
"Sounds like a starter relay"
"OK - so what do we do now?"
Have you tried bump starting it?
"Chris - it's a DCT - it hasn't got a manual clutch - you can't bump start the f**king thing"
"Suppose the headlight is on all the time? Does it go dull when you try to start?"
"Yep - in fact it goes off"
The phrase "It's electrical then" made me reach the point where this just wasn't going to be easy!
The bottom line on this is that, with the helpful use of jump leads and taking out the headlight fuse [to save voltage] after a few attempts the bike fired into life
The relief I felt was immense - for a moment only to be overshadowed by the fact fact that my task wasn't complete
Next job is to ring the rescue-wife ............ [bit like Thunderbirds]
"Where are you?"
"In the f**king car en route to rescue you, you inconsiderate daft twat"
"How many miles have you done?"
"About 35 - why? Whats that sound in the background?"
"Err - I've got it started dear"
Click - she put the phone down!
I had a similar "clicking / non-starting experience" with my Renault Megane a few years back - seems that when the battery drops below a certain voltage, whilst there is sufficient charge for all the lights etc to come on there is insufficient voltage to fire up all the relevant electronics and onboard computers so the starter relay simply clicks
Recalling, at the time immediately before stopping the engine, I had been using Garmin, 2 x spotlights onboard built-in heated incontinence pad and the heated grips all at the same time - not convinced though that with a decent battery it couldn't handle that output? Battery is original Yuesa factory-fitted battery - 2 years old
Fortunately enough fuel to get me home without stopping so quickly popped earplugs and helmet in place - gave the lads a tenner for use of the phone etc - jumped on bike - jumped off again to retrieve charging phone from inside house [!] and bade them a fond farewell with a hearty wave
Anyway, going to pop it into the workshop this afternoon to get output voltages checked - will let you know the outcome
Footnote - after 30 minutes eventually caught up with and found my fuel-thirsty riding buddy [remember him?] waiting patiently at the side of the road ...........
"Where the hell have you been? I've been trying to ring you"
Apparently a vertical-motioned repeated shake of a curved left hand is the most appropriate gesture !
Got back home - stopped and restarted the bike [twice] and all seems fine although when i plugged the Optimate in, the yellow lights all jumped into life indicating that the battery was hardly fully-charged
I'll put it down to another "Fat Bert Adventure" !
Anyone else had this type of problem? Searched the forum but can't find anything